A Family Searching for Balance

Mr Tan* and Mdm Goh* were referred to LCCS centre due to conflict overcaregiving and co-parenting for their son, Alex. Divorced and living separately, they shared custody, with the mother having care and control. However, it was his paternal grandmother, Mdm Lee, who took on the day-to-day care. She fed him, walked him to school, and watched over him with love. But beneath that care was strain and much disagreements.

At the point of referral, relationships among the parents and grandmother were highly acrimonious due to differing parenting styles and disagreements over caregiving responsibilities. Alex found himself caught in the middle of a conflict bigger than he could understand.

Arguments flared over parenting styles and caregiving arrangements. Should Alex attend student care? Who should pay for tuition? How should they handle his misbehaviours? Each adult believed they were acting in Alex’s best interest, but the constant conflict left relationships tense and fractured. When the family came to LCCS, we began by listening. Over weeks, we sat with each of them separately — grandmother, father, mother — creating space for them to share their hopes and frustrations. Only after thirteen of such individual conversations did they feel ready to meet together. They joined a facilitated conversation online. It wasn’t easy. Emotions ran high as each voiced their concerns. But slowly, with guidance, they managed to reach an agreement about Alex’s care. It was a fragile step, but a step forward.

Meanwhile, Alex himself was not forgotten. Social work interns spent time with him in mentoring sessions, helping him to name feelings he struggled to express. He spoke of missing his parents, of feeling distant from them, of carrying behaviours he couldn’t always control. The sessions became a small but important place where Alex could be seen, not just as a child in conflict, but as a child with his own voice.

As months passed, tensions resurfaced. New issues emerged — disagreements about holidays, discipline, and school arrangements. Alex’s parents struggled to work together, and his grandmother often felt alone in managing his care. Afterwards, another joint conversation was held to realign parenting approaches. His grandmother chose not to attend, saying it was time for the parents to shoulder the responsibility. The case eventually closed with Alex remaining under his grandmother’s care and visiting his parents on alternate weekends. While concerns remained, particularly around discipline, the family chose not to continue services, with the grandmother encouraged to stay connected with Alex’s school.